Extra Grace Required

I pray that you all found joy during this Lenten season even with the chaos of the world around us. I pray you embraced the time with your family, healthy at home, and leaned into God, His word and perfect presence during the time of struggle or anxiety.

I had intentions of posting the affirmations daily and as I was mostly successful, the change in routine and life did cause me to miss a few days. As this topic is near and dear to my heart though, I want to make sure you have the full list to implement in your home.

As parents, especially in such a time as this, filled with turmoil, change and unknown, we have to make the conscious decision to lift up our children on a regular basis. We have to encourage them through their doubts, embrace them through their sadness and remind them of their potential.

Parents, join me as we extend this mission past Lent and make these affirmations a regular part of our every day.

1 You are loved

2 You control your happiness

3 I believe in you

4 You are an amazing person

5 You are brave

6 You are helpful

7 You can solve your problems

8 You are unique

9 Your possibilities are endless

10 You can spread positivity

11 I am proud of you

12 You have great ideas

13 You are full of energy

14 You are enough

15 You are forgiving

16 You can work hard

17 You are strong

18 You are capable

19 You make me smile

20 You can be successful

21 You are worthy

22 You are healthy

23 You are not perfect and that is okay

24 You are a leader

25 You can achieve your dreams

26 You are perfectly and wonderfully made

27 You matter

28 You can be successful

29 You can change the world

30 You are smart

31 You are important

32 You are thoughtful

33 You are curious

34 You are helpful

35 You are a good friend

36 You are talented

37 You spread joy

38 You have friends

39 You are a good listener

40 You are generous

No one prepared me for this.

I took ten weeks of training to become a mom and yet I feel so unprepared for what comes with this journey.

How do you comfort your ten year old when they’re sobbing for a mom they never knew?

How do you answer questions like “would she still be alive if she didn’t do drugs”?

How do you hold back the tears as the child you’ve raised since birth cries because they miss their mom. They miss their mom.

Not me, but the woman who carried them for nine months. Not the woman who changed countless diapers and fed more bottles than she can count, but the woman whose DNA runs through their veins.

Not me, but the woman who knew him from the very first moment of life. Not the woman who wiped away tears and banished monsters from under the bed, but the woman who will always hold the title of “first”.

No one prepared me for this.

No one prepared me for the array of emotions that tear through my heart. From sympathy to sadness, anger to hurt.

No one prepared me to have my heart broken into a million pieces time and again.

This journey is hard. Plain and simple. From the goodbyes to the what-ifs, the difficulty comes in waves and levels, some I’m utterly unprepared for.

Even having come to us from the hospital, our children suffer significant loss that we’ll never be able to fully erase. Even being the only parents they’ve ever physically known, our children have a longing for what’s missing.

No one prepared me for this.

Several years ago, I decided to do Lent a bit differently. Instead of giving something up like I had done all through my childhood, I was going to purposefully work on something specific for 40 days. For instance, one year I worked on 40 Days of Decreasing Mom Guilt and I spent time each day really diving into the areas of my life where I found myself crumbling under the pressures. What I learned that year is the pressure most often comes from myself, not others. When Lent was over, I found I had a new outlook on some areas of my life and I was genuinely a happier person. 

So this year I decided to continue on the tradition and chose to focus on 40 Days of Affirmations for Foster and Adoptive Parents. I narrowed my thoughts to foster and adoptive parents, but many of my affirmations could be embraced by any parent. The reality is we live in a world that constantly brings us down and we need to latch on to the positive truths of our life. 

As Easter nears and my 40 Days of Affirmations for Foster and Adoptive Parents comes to a close, it is my deepest hope that you save this list and read it often. As foster and adoptive parents, we face challenges that are different from families who have only biological children. Our networks look different, our discipline strategies look different and our mind is always in a different place. We need to fill our buckets on a regular basis because we are constantly giving to others. If we don’t take the time to fill ourselves and one another, no one else will do it for us. 

1 You are exactly what these children need right now

2 You are enough

3 Your title does not define you

4 You deserve you time

5 Your house isn’t clean? So what!

6 You’re doing a good job

7 It’s ok to ask for help

8 No one knows your heart, but you

9 Your opinions matter

10 You don’t have to be perfect to be great

11 You are valuable / valued

12 You’re making a difference

13 You are a blessing to your children

14 You are brave

15 Not everyone will like you and that’s ok

16 It’s ok to be vulnerable

17 Your child is perfect just as they are

18 You know what is good for your child

19 It’s ok to say no

20 The time you are investing matters

21 You can be confident

22 You can be supportive

23 You can find joy in every day

24 Your needs matter

25 You are capable

26 Perfection is impossible

27 It’s ok to not love every moment

28 You are appreciated

29 Your best is always enough

30 You do not need to hold on to the guilt

31 One bad day does not make you a bad parent

32 Your boundaries are important

33 It’s ok to struggle

34 Life is good today

35 You can be in calm in the chaos

36 You know your child best

37 You are raising a legacy

38 You are a blessing

39 You are still learning and that’s ok!
40 Embrace the present

I wrote these 40 affirmations as much for myself as I did for those of you reading. We need to remind ourselves often of our worth and what an opportunity we have to remind others as well.

If you’d like to read these affirmations in more detail, hop on over to Instagram and follow me @AngJam731. It is my hope to encourage and uplift on a daily basis. 

When we opened our home again for foster care, our intent was foster only. It was a very different feeling from our original opening when our hearts were set on adoption. Although we both agreed we were not closed to another adoption, it was not our goal. 

Since the arrival of our precious baby girl in October, this has plagued the back of our minds. Being the only home, the only people, this beautiful baby has known in her life, will we really be able to say no if the time came? Celebrating her return back to family is one thing, but are we really able to send her to strangers? 

We have wept over the wondering, prayed over the possibilities. We’ve had countless conversations and the reality is … we still have no idea what our stance is. 

We don’t know if baby girl is our forever or our for now. 

Every day we spend time in contemplation and we feel no closer to an answer than we did the day before. We thought we had time on our side – she’s only four months old after all – but recently, the dreaded question was asked. 

Would you be willing to be her permanent home? 

Would we? We had to ask for time to think on it and that alone makes me feel guilty. We’re instantly asked, “don’t you love her” or “don’t you want to keep her”. Of course the answer to both of those is a resounding yes, but it’s not as simple as that. 

We love her so tremendously and that’s exactly why we have to put serious thought into our answer. Is our home her forever or are we just the in between? 

We need prayers as we navigate this new uncharted territory. We’ve never been in this situation before. We’re not sure what to do here. 

God called us to foster again, but did he call us to adopt again? Why do I feel so guilty with the thought of following God’s specific call? 

My heart is aching and mind reeling. This is real. This is raw. This is foster care. 

It’s hard to believe we have officially entered 2019. Another year has passed in the blink of an eye and I find myself, yet again, sitting on New Year’s day amazed at the year behind me. 

We start 2019 with a new member in our family and a heart ready to love for as long as we’re called. We start 2019 with hope for reunification mixed with sadness at what that means for our home. We start 2019 with unknowns, but carry the known truth that God holds us in his mighty hands. 

2018 treated us well and now that I can reflect on the holidays, I stand in awe at the memories made, the treasure of family time. Christmas in our house is barely controlled chaos, but oh so much fun. With so many children close in age, we have embraced the flying paper and shrieks, but this year was a little different. 

There was still plenty of flying paper and shrieks, but this was the first year we had a non-believer in our midst. 

Several weeks ago my oldest son, newly ten, approached us about the truth regarding Santa Clause. We had a great conversation and discussed the magic of Christmas and how it’s all of our jobs to keep the magic alive. He took his job very seriously, moving the elf each evening and entertaining the younger children’s conversations about Santa, his elves and the North Pole. 

It was endearing. 

The part that touched me the most though was his gratitude on Christmas morning. My oldest son took every opportunity to thank his father and I for the gifts under the tree. He told us at every turn how grateful he was. It was so different from years past and different from my other children. When he knew where his blessings came from, he was more apt to say thank you. 

It was a mind-shift. He suddenly knew the origin of the gifts and more freely expressed gratitude. 

As I reflect on 2018, I keep going back to Christmas morning and my son’s enthusiastic thank yous. I keep thinking about how we should all be more enthusiastic in thanking the giver of all the most perfect gifts. 

We should all be more enthusiastic about thanking God for his blessings. If we know from where the blessings come, and we acknowledge God as the giver of all perfect gifts, why do we not enthusiastically thank him? 

My son on Christmas morning was a stark reminder of what I can focus on in the new year. Enthusiastic gratitude for all that comes my way. 

Enthusiastic gratitude for the good and perfect gifts that come from above. 

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. – James 1:17